Tag Archives: personal

Why wait a full year

Another Valentine day is just over, my second after you have gone to be precise. Today was like any other day as you are not here to celebrate with me.

I still remember how we used to celebrate every occasion on monthly basis because of your insistence ofcourse 🙂

Our marriage anniversary, our ‘saying yes’ anniversary, B’day of our just born daughter and even our engagement anniversary had to be celebrated each month. So we always had something to celebrate. Your excitement in celebrating all these days was remarkable.

And on days when we didn’t have anything to celebrate there was this question from you – “What’s away just 5 days, 4 days and so on”

I really loved the way you would ask – “3 दिन बाद क्या है?”, you sounded so sweet when asking that, exactly like an innocent child.

Your philosophy was “Why wait a full year when we can celebrate every month”

You don’t need 2 lungs to laugh

We all were shocked to find that your left lung has almost collapsed due to fluid accumulated outside it. Its called Pleural Effusion in medical terms. Doctors drained the fluid out but it slowly came back again. Now this Pleural Effusion can happen due to lot of reasons, but there was always a doubt in our mind that probably your Sarcoma (Epithelioid Sarcoma) has reached to your lung from your toe.

We all were worried, but we were not really sure if Cancer is again back to haunt us. It was just the beginning of bad days to come.

It was ironical that our worst time was to begin right after we had best times of life, our sweet and beautiful daughter ‘Chibu’ was just born a couple of months back.

You always had this habit of cracking a joke and make everybody laugh no matter what the situation was.

Looking at all our grim faces surrounding your hospital bed, you said something which only you could have said.

You said – “अरे इतना बड़ा चिबु था ना अन्दर, वो बाहर आ गया तो जगह खाली हो गयी. खाली जगह में पानी भर गया बस. और कोई problem नहीं है. अभी पानी निकाला है अब सब ठीक हो जायेगा.”

Which in English will probably be – “Oh I had such healthy baby inside me na and now she is no longer inside so there was this vacume after her birth, fluid has taken up that vacume, this is just a temporary problem, doctors have drained out the fluid, now everything will be alright.”

Hearing this we all smiled and became a little relaxed.

Pragati’s brave fight with Cancer

I met Pragati in late 2003. Life really sucked back then. Though I was doing some freelancing software jobs, I didn’t have a stable revenue source. I was not sure what will I do in my life. I didn’t have many friends to talk to and used to feel lonely and depressed at times. Life was dull and boring. But then Pragati changed all that and very quickly as well.

All of a sudden my life started looking up, everything started looking rosy and bright. I was still not sure about what will I pursue as a profession, but I had a very strong support in Pragati. She became my close friend and soul-mate. After sometime professional life started looking up as well and we together founded our company. We got married in Feb 2006 and everything seemed to be perfect for us. We were blessed with a lovely baby girl in Nov. 2007 and everybody was happy. But my life was soon going to change forever again.

In early 2008, we found out that Pragati’s cancer came back and in her lungs this time. She had a long history with this very rare form of cancer called Epithelioid Sarcoma, which started from her left toe. She was successfully operated for it in 2005 and we decided to forget about it and bury it in our past. Ofcourse we now realise that we were too childish and too optimistic about ourselves. Cancer does not leave you that easily. In hindsight I think it was good that we didn’t think too much about it as it allowed us to get on with our lives and live happily with each other.

Year 2008 was spent in fighting with cancer and what a fight Pragati gave to that bloody cancer. It couldn’t diminish her spirit in any way and that’s why she so courageously planned secret B’day party for me with a chest drain hanging onto her and first chemo just over. She played and laughed a lot with our baby girl. When she had nothing else to do at home, she started reading and painting. 3 of her beautiful paintings hung on walls of our house will always remind of her. That was probably her way of giving a parting gift.

She was her usual charming and smiling self till her last day. Greeted everybody with her sweet smile whenever somebody visited her. She was unbelievably brave, positive and incredibly sweet and fun-loving even when cancer became really harsh for her. I can’t probably sum-up in words her true spirit. I will always remain proud of her. She passed away on 1st of Jan 09 and I became a widower and a single father at the age of 30.

It was only due to Pragati, I understood what Love, Happiness, Success and birth really meant. Ironically now I have understood true meaning of sorrow, grief, failure and death due to her as well.

There is a tradition in my family where when you meet somebody for the first time after getting married or whenever there is an important function, you introduce your spouse using a couplet, which should contain his/her name in it. There are many popular and overused types, so when I got married I created an original myself. I thought it summed up what I really felt for Pragati. I will be not using that couplet anymore, so I am penning it down here on my blog for one last time. “सिसक रही थी जिन्दगी, उसको गति मिल गई, किस्मत मुस्कुराई और प्रगति मिल गई.”

PS: You can add your name to my dedication to Pragati at Lanse Armstrong Foundation website.

Chibu is 1 yr. old

I am so happy to see my little baby girl grow. She turned 1 this 24th.

Since my wife – Pragati is still bravely fighting a very rare form of cancer called Epithelioid Sarcoma, we didn’t have a big party.
But our family and few close friends joined us at our home in celebrating her birthday. It was a really special day and we embraced this little happiness thrown our way after a long – long time with open arms.
She is really a blessing in our life, something which keeps both of us going in these tough times. We wish her all the happiness in life to come. 
In the picture on left you can see her opening gifts with a curoisity which only a child can posses. For more pics click here.